Lately I've been thinking about a very important truth that has taken me quite awhile to fully realize/remember/embody & then breathe onto a page, stripping away the illusions that kept this truth in captivation, caged & clipped to be a flightless bird. I know this truth to be important, because all throughout the time I denied it, it brought me great pain & suffering. Only when I was able to fully embrace this truth did I find my freedom & peace of mind:


No one has exclusive rights to your heart.

You do not have exclusive rights to anyone else's heart.


You see, the thing is, being exclusive in a relationship does not necessarily mean you are committed to that relationship or devoted to the person you are with. In this sense, I am likening the sensation of needing to be exclusive with someone as being a form of obsession. I do not take this idea I am trying to relate to you lightly, dear reader. This is me staring my own darkness in the face & saying "Yes, I was once needy to the point of obsession. I fell in love with a light so bright, all my monsters were forced to be seen by my own awareness, & I saw that I was clingy & obsessive. I was grotesque."


It took me many, many, MANY moons to clear away layer after layer of attachment that defiled the purity of the genuine love I felt underneath this gross surface. For truly, this love was real & would become the leading example of how I would go on to recognize whenever I had fallen in love with any other, burning away all falsities that dared stand in love's way.


But before I succeeded in this endeavor, in this purification & rebirth of my true self, I first collided with the evil inside me & battled with confusion, thinking, "Oh, how could I possibly fall in love with anyone else after him? I'll never fall in love again, I belong to him & him alone. I cannot & will not have anyone else, will not be taken by any other."


What a dreadful way to exist.


Nothing will strangle your freedom faster than the idea that you can only be with one specific person, especially so when that person has not chosen you, has not expressed their desire to fight to keep you by their side. If they cannot show you here & now that they want you & will do what it takes to keep you, you turn around & leave immediately.


Whether we can read each other's minds or not doesn't matter if we cannot also tell each other, "I want you; I want you to stay." Better yet, we need to show each other.


I began closing in on the end of my obsessive behavior when I fell in love with someone new. Finally, I had shown myself that, "Yes, it is possible to love another after him. I need not be so exclusive with my love because there are others who are deserving, too." This, however, was only the beginning of the end. The climax had yet to be reached.


So, sadly, bits of my obsession bled over into my new relationship, tainting yet another pure love that deserved a better fate. There is no reasonable way I could have made myself perfect for him, just as I could not make myself perfect with the man who came before. But I did my best to love beyond the limitations I had set for myself for far too many years.


I could not break my obsession until I reached the end of this new relationship, as everything started falling apart as my own faulty infrastructures came crumbling down.


Such a painful irony to experience.


However, a powerful shift had been made. My first love was no longer the center of my universe anymore.


I was.


For awhile, I thought I had finally done it. "At last! I've beaten the monsters in my closet!"


But oh, this was not so.


Alas, it wasn't long before I realized I had yet to purify every last bit of my habit to cling, for some of it had latched onto the person I fell in love with next. The end of a relationship does not always mean the end of attachment towards the individual you were with. I had to make yet another shift.


So, I was ruthless in finding release. The moment I realized I was still being obsessive & an exit door had appeared before me, I slammed on the breaks, spun around 180°, & got the fuck out. I wasn't about to go on that damned ride again & subject someone new that I cared about to my demons when I was so close to stomping them out of existence. "No way in hell. He deserves better. He deserves complete & total freedom."


My abrupt decision shattered everything.


I had hoped for a better ending, but I don't regret the choice I made. I thought I'd find friendship on the other side of the death of my obsession, but was met with only pain, bitterness, & a harsh cold. That's fine, really. Because I still take solace in the fact that neither I nor the people I love will have to endure this particular monster anymore.


The exclusion of love is over.


So when I say being exclusive with someone is wrong, don't interpret that to mean that being committed & devoted is wrong. Exclusion, the way I see it, is based in fear & a perception that sees a lack of love in this world. In my own personal experience, I could not overcome this fear by being committed & devoted to some far off, loving relationship that would take place sometime in the future. I overcame it by getting into new relationships, by being intimate with new people.


You can pray to God all you want to bring you the perfect relationship, you can wait 5, 10, 20 years for that relationship, & it will never come to you simply because you refused to open yourself up to new people & learn something fresh about what it's like to be human.


An exclusive heart is a closed heart. A closed heart is a hurting heart.


If you love someone, don't clip their wings, & don't clip your own. Don't let them clip your wings either, & remember that if they clip their own, that's their problem, not yours. Because in the end, we were all meant to fly wherever the winds take us.


So don't take it personally. You're free to walk away. After all: Love will always find a way.


We so often hear in many of our stories, a tale of good vs evil, wherein a bearer of the light must rise to combat & either contain or vanquish some shadowy foe, lest their dark dominion swallows the world whole. This idealism is ingrained so deeply in our brains, that we have come to project the roles of hero & villain onto the people around us. Thus, we either idolize someone for their good merits, feeling that somehow they will save the day, or we condemn them for their crimes, claiming they are the reason why everything has gone to shit.


Heroes & villains, however, don't really exist, & anyone who self proclaims to be either one of these in any serious manner is, quite frankly, nuts. While Hollywood makes millions off of feeding our belief that if we can just cut off the heads of those who are evil, the segregation in our minds grows, bleeding into our relationships, even the one we have with ourselves.


People are people, no more & no less, & the misunderstanding carefully hidden within this fantasy is that darkness itself is the face of evil, & anyone who dares to embody the shadows must be cast out of civilization as quickly as possible. But evil is not darkness, nor does light necessarily represent what is good. Instead, the light is that which reveals the truth, & the truth is that evil is an artificially constructed program that has been spread throughout the collective consciousness of humanity in an effort to divide us.


Our true, original nature is not tainted by evil. No one is born evil, but we are born into a world where evil exists. Although as children, we are naturally loving, kind, forgiving, empathetic, & eager to connect to each other, over time our psyche soaks in the acts of evil we witness in the world & sometimes, despite our best interests at heart, we unconsciously repeat these acts because our awareness of them has only reached a subconscious level. We are not evil, but we do commit evil, & the more evil someone perpetrates, the more unconscious of an individual they are, having lost their connection to their own childhood innocence & their sense of oneness with the rest of the world.


As individuals, we all carry both the light & the dark within us. The darkness itself is nothing to be afraid of, nor does the light we see guarantee an honoring of our humanity. No one is coming to save us either, so it is up to us to become aware of, no matter how painful it might be, the ways in which we dishonor each other & ourselves, for none of us are perfect. We all fuck up from time to time.


However, we are whole. We are so whole & born with such a natural sense of morality that we have the capability of overriding this program called evil without also feeding the idea that there exists any one soul who is incapable of redemption. Evil is the act of dividing, to claim that we don't go together & so one of us must perish in order for the other to live comfortably.


The antidote to this is love.


Love is the act of uniting because love recognizes we are all born from the same consciousness, expressing itself in fractals, & so no one being, no matter how much evil they have engaged in, is separate from us. They are still a part of us. It is not the person we need to reject, but we do have a need to say "no" to evil, to stop accepting it as being normal or okay.


As a collective, we have to do more for each other. Looking at the evils that mankind has committed is more than enough proof that in many ways, we have failed. Killing has become as easy as pressing a button & so, the only thing standing in the way of a life suddenly lost for someone else's gain is a character strong enough to recognize that the only evil they may vanquish is the evil living inside, dressed up as a hero & villain, duking it out for all eternity.


So the era of The Hero is over. Either we accept each other in our wholeness & support each other as we evolve into peaceful warriors, extending our patience to one another while we undergo the process of revealing that which harms us & that which heals us, bringing the subconscious to the light of our waking conscious, or we abandon each other as if a human life could so easily be thrown away & we run far, far away from the connection our hearts so dearly crave. The former will not be painless, but the latter will surely kill who we truly are. We are done with destroying love.


The era of Love has begun.

© 2017 by Lady Katie Sue | Las Cruces, NM | ladykatiesue@outlook.com

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